Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
