did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
