I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
