wanna go halves on a baby?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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