Nicole vs. Life
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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