Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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