are you still at the devil's house?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
