ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
