i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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