we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
