if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
