I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
