I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
