im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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