thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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