when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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