he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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