Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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