Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
