Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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