Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
