Screwed.edu
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
