Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
