If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
