It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
