So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like heaven, but drunker
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
