some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
