My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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