She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
