I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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