I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
