i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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