i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Randomize
