On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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