I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
