Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
