Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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