I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
