on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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