I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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