Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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