He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
