He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
