youre lurking in front of me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize