I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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