LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
