no. you can't hotbox the world.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
