So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
