he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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