I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
