Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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