Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize