I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
