you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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