my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize