im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
