My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
