The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just high enough for therapy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
