New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
