Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
