I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
