I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
