I love black thongs
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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