Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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