She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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