my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
