How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He passed out mid-signature
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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