dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
