I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
