I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
