the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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