so explain again why im purple
no
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
