i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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